i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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