We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
