I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
