its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
