Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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