My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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