just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
