You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
