we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
