Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
