I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
