she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
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