If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
