i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
