I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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