thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
