I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
