Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
and you fell through a lawn chair
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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