i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
