Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
