you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
