Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
