Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
