Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
