im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
