I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
