Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
