also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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