saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
