I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
