I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
