Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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