she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
