I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
