Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
