it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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