Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
