I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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