No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
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