Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
