Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
