In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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