So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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