I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Randomize
