home. puking in laundry basket.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
