If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
my poor anus
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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