I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
