Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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