I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
