in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
