I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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