Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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