so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Randomize
