Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
